advice?

theres a girl i care about who lives miles and miles away,she tells me she cares about me and it leaves my stomach in knots.I love being the reason she smiles,but when she ignores me my head tells me its all a lie.that everything shes saying to me is nothing more the some sick game she plays with everyone and im just dumb enough to keep playing.i really dont normally open up but i dont know what to do.i feel like everyday my heart breaks,yet at the same time i feel like shes the only thing that can fix my heart.im not sure what this is,or if its even anything to her at all.but i dont know what to do.i cant contain my emotions the way i have all the years ive tried to keep them in.i let down my walls for her that were built up so high from previous happenings of pain and i just keep getting hurt.maybe im over reacting and i should take what she says seriously but this feeling i feel the things that run through my mind i cant even fathom how id explain them.i just need some advice.i know if i want her i should go after her and that if things dont seem real that i should stop trying,but its such a mix of both i dont know how to perceive it.im truly at a loss when she smiles at me.she may be a thousand miles away but i think she has stolen my heart.not the heart ive kept hidden for so long,my physical heart.when we dont speak my mind races my thoughts become so rapid i cant even focus on simple tasks.i know its not love.but what the fuck is this? am i getting too invested in something that truly means nothing to her?am i only hurting myself over a girl who has a sick mind and enjoys hurting guys because shes been hurt herself? please someone give me some insight on how i am supposed to go about this.

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Posted on Saturday, 2 March
  1. 27shed posted this
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